Riding for a Reason

Changing the world, one mile at a time

What Type of Cyclist Are You?

Came across this entertaining article from bikehacks.com.  Check out the full article here which includes examples of several types of riders. :o)

Basket Gal: This is the gal that is rocking a front basket with all sorts of stuff in it, most often including a helmet. Basket gal must believe that as soon as she starts to fall or gets hit by a car, that in the split second before she hits the ground she will be able to, in one swift motion, reach down into her basket, scoop out her helmet, fling it onto her head and snap the buckle before her dome meets the ground.

Breeder Guy: This is the guy who is transporting more than one small human. He is a family man and is not going to let breeding stand in the way of his bike lifestyle. The combination of gear can be different, but there is one guy in charge of himself and two other people. Having just one kid in my eyes does not make you a true breeder, it’s when you add a second that the “breeder” moniker enters my vocabulary. The most common one I see is the “Trail-a-bike” being towed behind along with a child seat on the back of his bike. It’s also funny to see this guy after he drops off the kids towing an empty bike behind him.

 

Butter Guy: This is the guy who is obviously involved in some sort of competitive racing because he wears shoe covers, but not the winter kind to protect you from the cold – rather very bright (often pink, yellow, or white) that I guess are meant to reduce drag. He wants to cut through the air like butter . . . and if his shoe covers are yellow his feet look like sticks of butter.

Cleavage Gal: I might get hate mail from guys on this one if it leads to corrective action from the female cycling community. I’m not sure if some female riders are aware, probably not because of the large instance of this, but when riding a bike and leaning forward in any capacity while wearing a low cut shirt, your cleavage is exposed in all its glory and is sure to catch the eyes of male riders coming in the opposite direction. While impossible to place a statistic on it, I am very sure that many of the accidents that male riders experience each year are due to cleavage gawking.

Euro Guy: Okay, I admit, I have never ridden a bike in Europe before, but I have a stereotype of a European racer in my head. That stereotype is of someone sporting one of those short billed goofy cycling hats. Extra points are awarded if fancy European cycling companies are advertised on said goofy hat.

 

Fate of Civilization Guy: What this guy knows is obviously key to the survival of civilization because he can’t wait until he has arrived at his destination or stop his bike to speak on his cell phone. He has to endanger himself and everyone around him by riding while talking on his phone and riding at the same time.

Fire Alarm Gal: This is the gal who wants everyone, and I mean everyone, to know she is coming. She will approach a group of pedestrians taking up the path and will ring her bell so quickly in rapid fire fashion that it sounds like an old school rapid fire bell used in a firehouse.

 

Gerbil Gal: This is the gal that is constantly in her lowest possible gear, on flat ground, spinning madly and who looks like a gerbil spinning on a wheel. It’s comical in that the legs are spinning at mad RPMs, but she is barely moving forward (the 10 second mark in the video is classic . . . )

Grasshopper Gal: This the gal whose seat is as far down as it can go and when she pedals her knees almost come up to her chin, mimicking the bend seen in the rear legs of grasshoppers.

 

Gym Guy: This is the guy who is wearing clothing most often associated with the gym rather than cycling. For example, baggy basketball shorts, a t-shirt with the sleeves cut off, wrist bands, and one of the 100’s of renditions of high top Air Jordan basketball shoes. My guess is, he’s on his way to the gym.

Hang Loose Guy: This is the guy who has the energy and good intention of keeping his dome from exploding on the pavement so he wears a helmet, but he does not have the wherewithal to actually buckle it. Thus his helmet straps hang loose. Good luck my friend . . .

Hipster Guy: It seems that any bike blogger worth his salt likes to pick on hipsters, so why should I be any different? This is typically a guy wearing jeans, Chuck Taylors, and in recent months a fedora instead of helmet. Said guy might be in an independent coffee shop drawing up designs for a fedora shaped helmet right now. A tank top or T-shirt that is way too small is also worn so that tattoos may be displayed. Most often these riders have either a brightly colored chain, extremely narrow handlebars, or an aerospoke. If you hit the trifecta they are rocking all three.

Hodge Podge Guy: This guy’s bike is an amalgamation of bike parts that might not match and various and sundry things that were probably not meant for a bike, but have been modified to serve a purpose, are zip tied or affixed in some other random manner. He just loves to tinker on his bike. Maybe something like this.

 

Huge Calf Guy: This is the guy who appears to have the calves of a minotaur. They are freaking huge, almost as out of proportion as Popeye’s forearms . . . and yes I am jealous.

 

Hummer Guy: This is the guy who is seriously into off-road weekend riding and decides to commute on his dual suspension downhill bike with 2.5 inch wide tires with huge knobbies on them. You typically can hear this guy coming because of the hum of the knobbie tires on the pavement. Sometimes this guy will replace his huge downhill tires with narrow slicks and his bike will look extremely out of proportion because of this – then I guess you could call him “Slick guy.”

IronMan Guy: This guy rides his triathlon bike and you half expect to see an oily number painted on his arm or leg when you pass one another.

 

Kamikaze Guy: I don’t despise many things, but I despise Kamikaze guy. This is the guy who passes at the worst possible time. It is the worst when you are riding on a path that is just wide enough for two riders to pass each other when going in opposite directions and Kamikaze guy darts out from behind the approaching rider into your lane and you have to squeeze your breaks for all you are worth to avoid a head on collision. Kamikaze guy sometimes also tries to pass you from behind and when he’s right beside you realizes he has bit off more than he can chew and he slams on his brakes to avoid the oncoming rider and almost swerves into you in his mad attempt to get back behind you to let the oncoming rider pass.

Kidney Stone Guy: This is the guy (or in rare cases a gal) whose facial expression while riding mimics that of a person passing a kidney stone. The teeth are visible, and clenched, and there is a look of EXTREME exertion on the person’s face. Shoulders are also typically hunched up because although you might not think about it, your cheeks are connected to your shoulders.

Mad Max Guy: These guys are not commuters, rather they are food delivery riders. Typically they are riding the wrong way down one way streets, are not wearing a helmet (except for the Dominos Delivery guys), and are riding bicycles that look they could immediately be used for a Road Warrior film.

Messenger Guy: Not really a lot to say here, you know the one. He obviously makes his living riding his bike and it’s quite obvious by the way he handles himself. Even taxi drivers give these guys a wide berth.

New Balance Guy: This is the guy who takes whatever he does quite seriously, but does not always get it right the first try. I characterize this as the guy with a brand new bike that cost in excess of $1,000 who is also sporting brand new Lycra shorts and a riding jersey but is wearing beat up New Balance running shoes and is riding with platform pedals. Just seems a tad out of place to me. Perhaps he should have spent $800 on his bike and $200 on shoes and pedals.

Ninja Guy: This is the guy who sneaks up on you at night because he has not one iota of reflective gear and his bike is void of lights and reflectors. These people frequently appear out of nowhere and scare the bejesus out of me.

The Rim Rocker: For some reason this happens with the ladies a lot. I will be riding along and notice that a woman pretty much is riding on her rims and has no clue that her tires have no air in them.

“On your left” Guy: Pretty simple here, although intonation may differ according to rider.

Plain Jane Gal: This is the gal, or a guy, who rides a bike but has no interest in bike clothing or accessories at all whatsoever. They are rocking what they would wear down the street, like cargo shorts and a hoodie.

Referee Guy: This guy rides with a referee whistle in his mouth, waiting for a game of bike polo to break out . . . or perhaps to freak out pedestrians that might be in his way. Yes, he is real, I did not make him up.

Reflecto Guy: This is the guy who is covered head to toe in reflective gear. He will often purchase one of those reflective vests worn by members of road construction crews and will wear reflective pant guard protectors on both ankles. I am pretty sure I will look like him in about 10 more years.

 

Skate or Die Guy!: This guy would rather die than be caught wearing a bike helmet, so he rocks a skateboard helmet. In our culture skaters are much cooler and can possibly be viewed as “bad asses.” After the “bad ass” sporting his sparkling clean skate helmet parks his bike, walks into Starbucks to get his Venti, sugar-free, non-fat, vanilla soy, double shot, decaf, no foam, extra hot, Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha with light whip and wants people to think he nollie kickflips down sets of stairs on his way to work rather than being a cyclist.

“So you think you are better than me?” Guy: This is the guy who you pass and within a short time he passes you back, only to slow down his pace once again. Rarely do I pass a person with the intent to make a statement. However many people, perhaps due to competitive nature, feel you are dissing them by passing them and obviously say to themselves, as Izzy Madelbaum does, “So you think you are better than me?” Ironically once he passes you, he assumes his previous pace and you pass him again. Depending on the size of his ego, this might happen until you decide to pump the big beat and put him out of his misery.

 

Superhero Guy: Every inch of this guy, from head to toe, is covered in skin tight clothing and he looks like he is ready to audition for the lead role in a superhero movie.

Sweat Hog Guy: This guy wears a t-shirt and the t-shirt is plastered to his back with sweat. You know this guy has a sweat issue because typically the breeze from riding will for the most part keep sweat from soaking your clothing. No, the picture does not directly relate, but maybe if you’re around my age you will understand.

welcome_back

Tin Man Guy: This is a guy riding a bike that is crying out in agony for lubricant.

Tour De France Guy: This is the guy that is so ultra serious about keeping his pace that he scoffs loudy to show his disdain when people get in his way.

Vagabond Guy: This is guy who is commuting, but likely could be confused for someone making an epic journey across the United States. He has dual bags set up on both the front and back rack and typically is sporting huge mirrors on his handlebars.

Wall Street Guy: This is a guy who looks ready to buy low and sell high and does not want to change outfits so he rides in his business suit. No attempt at humor here, I’m all business on this one.

Weeble Wobble Guy: This is the guy with a wheel so badly out of alignment that you are surprised his brakes actually function.

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September 11, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | ,

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